Monday, June 21, 2010

Forays into the world of Pornography!

This is the first of what I hope to be many, many posts. One of the things I see few people discussing on the Internet, at least the things I think worthy of discussion, is pornography. Sure, there are discussions about whether or not it's right, moral, blah-de-fucking-blah. No, no one's saying the things I want to read, hear, or say myself. So, this will be, hopefully, one of many comments. I'll try to keep them short, but knowing me, that may not always be the case.

I saw this banner today, advertising what I'm guessing is some sort of social website tailored more for one night stands than online dating websites, many of these things being hawked off as "the Facebook of sex" or whatever it is they say. Oh, before I forget, I have a more substantial post in the works, but I had to comment on this. Right, where was I? Yes! For those curious, the site was called seekbang.com. Oh, the world internets! What shall the website address now be for people who want to see videos of exploding Ks? Hmmmm?

Anyway, the banner had this written on it: "MEET SLUTS WHO FUCK ALL! MEET HORNY SLUTS THAT WILL FUCK ANYONE: EVEN IF YOU'RE A MIDGET!

First off, kudos for the correct usage of "you're". I can't tell you how many NON-pornographic ads I've seen on the web that have made that or similar such mistakes in spelling. In general, the pornographic world must have a lot of well educated people, because I tend to see many more grammatically correct sentences in that sector of the webworld than elsewhere. Unless, of course it's the user comments, which like any other site with user comments only takes a few before FAG, COCKSUCKER, or I FUCKED YOURE MOM LAST NIGHT (see what happened there?) makes an appearance. That part of the web is like any other part. And what's sad is the comments aren't relevant, like it's not a homosexual male blowing a dude while fucking a MILF video that the comments are underneath, though I'm sure you could find it if you wanted to.

Secondly, is the midget market that negligible? I mean, can you risk blowing off all your potential midget customers in order to make all other potential customers feel like they have a chance of scoring with some hot, midget fucking sluts? Might not midgets take offense at being used in such a manner for the sake of advertising? Or, am I looking at this the wrong way? Are they tapping into both markets, getting all the people who think, "Yeah, I might be fat, sweaty, acne ridden, have no job, and smell real bad with no concerns about who I stick my dick in, but if she'll fuck a midget, then SURELY she'll fuck me!" AND the midgets who want to score horny sluts that fuck all as well?

Shall I make a prediction? Will the next one be?: MEET SLUTS WHO FUCK ALL! HOT HORNY SLUTS THAT EVEN FUCK CAVEMEN! Then you could see one of those actors that plays the caveman in that commercial series that just needs to end getting blown by some horny slut who fucks all, but not really, because she's getting paid to do it. Oh, did I forget to mention that in the middle of the banner is a midget getting blown by a girl many beer drinking men would probably find attractive? Well, there is. And you know what? I bet she's less likely to kill herself than that caveman-insurance-actor would be out of embarrassment or haunting sense of having accomplished nothing worthwhile in life. I could be wrong. But I'd still prefer to be stuck next to her than that guy on a plane.

One thing I'm rather certain I'm not wrong about, though, is you can't have a video titled: Hot tranny does ________________. Fill in the blank with whatever, because you can't have hot trannies. If you can, what makes a tranny hot, as opposed to not?

Hypothetical Tranny Video Enjoying Consumer 1: Man! Did you see that hot tranny!? What a man-babe!

HTVEC2: Ehh, he/she's alright. Nice boob job but her scrotum was a bit too wrinkly for my tastes.

HTVEC1: Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Mr. Perfect, I guess you didn't care much for her highlights either then, huh? You're so picky! I don't know why we hang out sometimes, man.

And so on...

Anyway, funny shit. You tend to see that in the porn-realm: funny shit. And literal shit, which I don't understand. Talk about exposing some weird interests in what piques humanity, huh? Who would've ever guessed there are enough people into scat, self-mutilation, bestiality and the like to make profitable websites? I don't know, but one thing's certain, they have an advantage when it comes to advertising.

I think Hicks had it right, if Coke could get away with it, they'd do this:



And so, let this be the first of many, short thoughts on this. I'm sure there are stand ups talking about this shit, but I'm not aware of many of them (Again, Hicks' bit on motel porn is a classic! But I can't find that particular one!). Too many people watching and not enough commentating I say. Time to change that.

Enjoy...








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